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And when I am, I will be happy. I can do it. I can.
11-get up
11:15- shower
11:45-12:10 dry hair, get dressed, etc.
1:00--get ready for tap
1:20--leave for tap
1:45-3:00-- tap class: 320 cal
3:30-4:15-- pack
4:15-5:00--drive to camp
6:00-11:00 Sunday--camp
Sunday
12-- get homefrom camp
1-3--write paper
3-4--work out
4-5--read or do whatever
5:30-- make dinner- vegetables and plain veggie burger- 130
10-go to bed
Monday
7-3:30--school
4-5--work out
6--eat dinner, maybe one bowl veggie soup
8:30-9:30--ballet?
10--sleep
Tuesday
7-3:30--school
4-5--work out, shower, etc.
6--dinner: vegetables
7:30-9:30--college
Wed, Thurs-- same as Monday/Tuesday
Friday
7-3:30 --School
4-5-- Work out
6:30--dinner
7-12-- whatever
12--bed
no breakfast or lunch as usual. water: 8-10 glasses per day!
Don't even want to eat... not anything.
That half of a PBJ didn't even taste good. Nothing out of it at all.
I would rather not eat at all. I hate how I won't eat for a long time, then I'll mini-binge (less than 1000, but still) and then purge. I hate purging.
Whaaaaaaatever. Less than I week from now I will be done with APs. Then I can concentrate on getting a job and excercising.
I'm so tired now, I'm going to bed.
This wasn't a bad day
all I had to eat was one bowl of oatmeal, a few strawberries, and some carrots and cauliflower
and two cups of green tea
And I lost another pound
I wouldn't have eaten the oatmeal, but I thought I should try to eat something
I remember I was walking down the hall at school in September and some girls didn't realize I was behind them. One of them said to the others, "Have you seen how skinny she is?" and one other was like "I know, oh my god". Then they saw me behind them and the one girl gasped and put her hands over her mouth and I just walked away.
I was at lunch eating nothing. I just had my bottle of water I was drinking. At the end of the table, my friends were talking about me. The girl next to me had two pieces of pizza and oreos. The rest of them were eating a bunch of junk. They were talking about how they thought I was anorexic. Which I was, but I didn't tell them that. They didn't understand, not at all. They didn't understand why I wouldn't eat. But they were the ones who always complained about their own weights. They would always say "I feel so fat today". The truth was, they were chubby. They didn't work out and all they ate was junk food. My parents were obsessive, they'd ask me what I had eaten for dinner. My mom always said really bitchily "You need to gain about 20 lbs. You're too skinny."
She was just jealous of me. She's 5'7.5 and weighs like 180 and she's 50 years old and divorced. I'm tall and thin and pretty and smart and I'm going to be whatever I want when I'm older. I'll probably get into any college I want.
I don't give up.
Dad made me some whole wheat pasta. I chewed and spit a few bites. I've never done that before, but it's okay.
I'm going to write this down, hopefully it will help me stick to it
1. Get up at 7 and go to school. NO BREAKFAST!!! 0 cal
2. During lunch, make up english final... NO LUNCH!! 0 cal
3. After school, musical practice until 5:15... NO snack 0 cal
4. get home at 5:30, do homework until 6:15
5. eat half a cup of peas and half a cup of green beans 110 cal
6. Work out from 6:45-8:45
7. Class from 9-9:50
8. Get home at 10:15, go to bed
